I am, by nature, ambitious. I am also, by nature, impatient; a trait my mother tried in vain to drum out of me with constant cajoling, philosophical argument, or by sheer appeal to emotion: none of which worked. Until, that is, till I came to Kandy, and had a lot more time to reflect, introspect and, revisit some of the basic assumptions I long held. Combined, I saw the world in a very different way to how both my parents viewed it…
Context is important here. My parents were by no means poor. They both had decent jobs. My mom, by inheritance, had a lovely old house we called home. I was the only child. So, with a dual income, at a time when most mothers remained at home to be a full time guardian of children, our family had a combined income that would often be considered more than most average families could call their own; and, with a house to call their own, near Colombo, an asset, very few average Sri Lankans could have afforded.
But…
I stepped into S. Thomas’ College when I was in grade five: all of ten years old. My previous school, St. John’s in Nugegoda, was pale in comparison. STC, was, by all indicators, a school for the privileged, though many who were ‘underprivileged’ called in their Alma Mater too… From the first day I entered College I ‘felt’ poor: something that fueled my ambitions, and worsened my sense of impatience. I wanted to ‘be rich’ – and worse – ‘be rich fast’
Something that became my singular focus for the better part of my young adult life. Till I got married, and had kids of my own…
Then, it slowly dawned on me that being ‘rich’ was not only about the money. Rich was, in many ways, layered. One can have money – and be absolutely poor: a nuanced and subtlety that my mother tried hard to explain, but a teenage son would never even consider. It was evidently clear, the older I got, that money ALONE was never enough – and that at times – being rich meant foregoing money to an extent…
See, the marginal difference in comfort between a Mercedes and a Rolls Royce would probably not be felt in a blind test. Nor the difference between a Toyota and a Mercedes unless you truly were a driving enthusiast. For the vast majority of people it is the ‘badge’ that matters – not the utility. The MontBlanc and a Parker, a Patek Vs an Orient. A newest I Phone vs one that is a few years older which is much cheaper. We chase the ego – and money is what is needed to scratch that itch. Often, at the cost of being ‘rich’ where it matters…
Today, whilst being at the Asiri Hospital this was evidently clear when I saw a middle aged couple sharing a packet of rice – as we used to – before practice – during our days at College. They sat at the cafeteria, completely oblivious to everyone else who went and bought their lunch, and ate what was clearly a home cooked meal. They ate from the same pack, sharing the piece of fish, and the vegetables, with both taking turns feeding the other something they knew after years of marriage the other would love to have another bite of. There, right there, was a couple who was ‘rich’. Me being me, could not help but strike a conversation with them. I found out that they had travelled for over two hours to get to the hospital, to see a relative who had undergone surgery. Having den their duty, best they could, and having brought her some home grown bananas, they were to take three buses back to their home, in time for them to cook for the three kids that were waiting for them to come home. The wife told me, with a twinkle in her eye, that her son was a better cook than their two daughters, and chances are, he would have cooked for them when they got back. The husband retorted saying she was bias – and that both daughters were ‘excellent cooks’.
And here I was, upset about the doctor being late, and having to drive in rush hour traffic !
See, they were ‘poor’ but didn’t FEEL poor…
Many of us are rich – but feel hopelessly poor…
Maybe, just maybe, it had nothing to do with our bank balances…
I can picture my mom saying ‘glad you finally got it !’
Everything teaches : especially observing the ‘simple folk’ you least expect it from…
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